I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
