And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
