come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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