My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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