Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize