im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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