You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
