Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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