there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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