i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
