my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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