you guys were way drunker than both of me
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
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We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
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also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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