i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
