before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
A+ Viking dick
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
