I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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