alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
