We named our party play list daddy issues
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
