Can i not drive my cunt home
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
