if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
