she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
