Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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