i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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