I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
