Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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