Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize