What a fucking waste of an outfit
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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