and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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