i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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