Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
