i was rollin on her like bob the builder
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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