when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
