i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
