Your face is a jimmy john
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
