Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
