Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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