I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Randomize
