it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
