What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
