he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
