Kareoke will never be a sober sport
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
