WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
