I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
