My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
