I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
