i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
