I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
