i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
