the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
