like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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