i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
There are leaves in my underwear?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
