I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
