After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
