I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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