I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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