I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
