White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
