Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
