i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
