what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
