dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
