she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
