I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize