I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
