i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
The struggles of a small town man whore
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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