Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
