What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
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Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
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I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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