I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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