Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
There's even glitter on my cock...
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