4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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