Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
