I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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