dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
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She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
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You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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