I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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