Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
This baby is an asshole
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Randomize
