dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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