I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
