I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
