is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
