I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
