im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
