Too much gin, very little bucket
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
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there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
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How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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