Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
