i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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