currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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