There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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