Christians are straight up FREAKS
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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