discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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