Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
