How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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